Can or should a “Returner” who is back after a career break even try to negotiate an offer – i.e., do they have any power? Does duration of the break factor or is this question a complete misnomer because any offer reflects future/ potential value? I ask because this has come up in my social circles, majority are saying “don’t rock the boat!” and just accept what you get offered. I see not asking for anything as a lack of confidence and sets a tone for future work communications. My sense is having a conversation with offer in hand is not a demand and always worthwhile. Maybe my perception is missing something?
– Investor Relations professional
This question has several components to it, and the bold and underlining are my emphasis added, as I’m going to focus on this particular topic of how much weight to give career advice from your social circles. Our Investor Relations pro also asks about negotiating, but I have already written a lot about negotiating (start with this longform post on common negotiation obstacles). I even have a video blog specific to negotiating when you’re in the weaker position. I have also already written about employment gaps and specifically what prospective employers think about them (so you can preemptively address these in your job search!)
This topic of unsolicited career advice from friends and family is important to address strategically because it will happen to you, if it miraculously hasn’t happened already. You want to prepare for this so that you don’t react defensively and hurt an otherwise good relationship. You also don’t want to hurt yourself by allowing unexpected advice coming over the transom causing you to second-guess your existing career strategy or undermine your self-confidence. Making big career moves, such as looking for a job after time away, is a courageous act already – you will probably already face bouts of self-doubt, without friends and family piling on!
Therefore, have a plan in advance for when your social circle weighs in on your career with their favorite tip. Here is a three-step process to follow, whether it’s good advice or the dumbest, most outlandish, least helpful advice you receive:
Step 1 – Thank them — focusing on the positive benefits of advice in general and not what they specifically said
A simple “thank you for sharing that” or “thank you for letting me know” is an acknowledgment that you have heard them. Acknowledgment of their gesture of help is a courteous thing to do. At the same time, a general acknowledgment importantly doesn’t commit you to an opinion about their advice or to following it (more on this in Step 2). Even if the advice you hear is terrible, there are positive benefits you can focus on:
- You have people that care about you
- The people that care are apparently aware of your career goals and have them top of mind
- You never know who or what people know, so the next unsolicited nugget you get may be a referral or insight you can use.
Step 2 – Give a neutral and non-committal response
Instead of addressing the advice at hand talk about what you’re currently working on, or change the subject altogether. In this particular case, our Investor Relations pro could say, “Thank you for sharing that. I’m weighing a lot of factors right now with this offer.” Or, “thank you for sharing that. In addition to this company, I’m looking at XYZ” Or, “thank you for sharing that. Oh, have you seen the latest Benedict Cumberbatch movie???”
Don’t promise to follow through, especially if you know you won’t. The other person may ask for an update, and then you’ll sound like a person who doesn’t do what they say they will (unreliability is not a good look). Don’t commend them on advice you disagree with because it encourages more of the same. However, don’t bother to point out why the advice is wrong or you don’t need it since it will make you sound ungrateful, which could hamper the overall relationship.
Knowing how to maintain a relationship even when you disagree is a great skill to have. This is a perfect situation to hone that skill. You’ll need to know to maintain neutrality to manage the not-so-great boss or even to handle the argumentative job interviewer.
Step 3 – Ask for the help that you need
This unsolicited advisor knows about your career goal and has already raised their hand to help
Even if you think they can’t help you because the advice they offered is completely irrelevant, you never know 100% who or what people know, so coaching them a bit might yield more relevant help. Being able to ask for what you want is a great skill to have, and this is a good time to practice it.
Our Investor Relations pro might say, “Thanks for sharing that. I’m weighing a lot of factors around this offer. What I really need right now are additional leads for my pipeline so I’m not so dependent on this offer…” Then ask the person for something related to generating additional leads for your pipeline. As a recruiter, when I ask candidates for referrals, I don’t just ask in general. I walk through their background to make it easier for them to remember. I ask about contacts at their alma mater, contacts at the specific professional associations they were involved with and contacts at former companies where they have worked. I say the specific college, organization and company names to make it as easy for the other person as possible.
Unsolicited career advice is not a nuisance, but actually a great opportunity to practice much-needed skills
Practice not getting defensive. Show genuine gratitude. Give a confident update on your existing plans. Tailor your ask to get the help you need. Beware of letting unsolicited tips and strategies throw you off your game, but since there are so many helpful things you can do with career advice, even if the advice itself isn’t helpful, welcome it with open arms.
What’s the most outlandish piece of career advice you’ve received?
