January is National Mentorship Month, so if you participate in an official mentor program or you just have people in your life who you regularly go to for advice, make sure to send out a special thanks! Mentor relationships are very helpful to your professional development, which is why many companies and outside organizations invest heavily in offering these programs.
If you are lucky enough to have a mentor, be proactive about nurturing the relationship. The best mentor relationship works for both you and your mentor. Here are 10 tips for a successful mentorship:
Clarify both of your expectations
Even if a company or organization put you together with your mentor, do not assume that you are both on the same page as to why you were matched. Let your mentor know what you are hoping to get out of the mentorship. For example, if you’re looking for help balancing work and life commitments, let them know that is your specific goal. Your mentor might assume you want advice on moving up in the organization or being a better manager. At the same time, ask your mentor what they want out of the program. Many mentors just want to give back since they benefited from a mentor themselves, but they may also have something you can help them with, and it’s a great way for you to let them know you want a two-way relationship.
Confirm the logistics
You may prefer live meetings, but this may be too difficult with your mentor’s schedule. Ask specifically how your mentor likes to meet – e.g., live, by phone or by video. If it’s very different than what you prefer, see how you can compromise – e.g., by mixing up the meetings. Confirm how frequently you will have scheduled meetings. Confirm if it’s okay to email or call in-between scheduled meetings. Don’t assume that your mentor likes to meet any specific way or frequency – always ask.
Help your mentor help you
Once you do settle on a goal for the mentorship and a cadence of meetings, you still need to specify what you need. Are you looking for encouragement or do you need something more hands-on? Are you looking for ideas and advice? Or maybe you have a specific idea already, and what you really want is to role play or refine how to execute on the idea. Your exact needs will likely different from meeting-to-meeting or over the arc of your mentorship. The more explicit you can be, the easier it will be for your mentor to help you. They may be the type who is a natural cheerleader and not realize you want a devil’s advocate. Or they may be the type to jump into brainstorming mode and list out ideas, when you already have an idea and want help elsewhere. Help your mentor help you.
Take the initiative in scheduling
When you first meet, you might set a regular meeting day – e.g., last Tuesday of each month at lunch. More likely, you will schedule as you go. You might schedule the next meeting at the former meeting but this might still be too far in advance (or not enough time). Confirm with the mentor how far in advance they prefer to schedule. Put reminders in your calendar to reach out and schedule according to what you both agreed. If your mentor reaches out to you, be responsive.
Respect your mentor’s time
Responding in a timely fashion to your mentor’s outreach is one way of respecting their time. Coming to scheduled meetings on time, and sticking to the agenda and time agreed upon are also ways to resect their time. Showing effort or results in-between meetings is another way of letting your mentor know that time with you is time well spent. You don’t have to agree with or act upon everything your mentor says, but there should be some related movement in-between meetings so that the mentor knows your work together is having an impact.
Don’t ask for too much too soon
The best mentor relationships do have an impact. That said, don’t expect or ask for too much too soon. In the early days of your mentorship, focus on getting to know each other and on asking for answers to questions the mentor will know right then, with little preparation or extra work. You can then build up to more complex or time-intensive requests, such as feedback on your resume. Keep in mind that mentors warm up at their own pace. If you know the person already, they may be willing to jump right in and look at your resume or business plan at the first meeting. But if you don’t know the person at all and you were matched together by an outside program, then you want to ease into things.
Have fun
Part of building trust is getting to know each other. Make it part of each mentor meeting to focus, not just on business, but getting to know each other personally. Know more about your mentor will help you better communicate and may even give you more or different ideas on how you can collaborate. Letting your mentor know more about you will enable them to help you more effectively.
Keep your mentor informed
Your career is dynamic and changing, and you don’t see your mentor that often. You need to keep them informed, especially if your situation changes in a way that impacts the mentorship. For example, let’s say you were matched together a few months ago and have been working on work/ life issues, but then a spot opens up in your group that you didn’t realize you wanted but now definitely do. Let your mentor know, even before the next meeting. This shifts what your focus is, and even if your mentor still wants to talk work/ life balance, at least they’ll know you have other things on your mind.
Have a plan for when things go wrong
What if you want to shift the focus of the mentorship but your mentor does not? What if you have taken the initiative to set up meetings, show up prepared, but it’s your mentor who isn’t responsive? What if there is a change in situation and your mentor no longer fits your needs? Or what if you just have a personality clash? If you’re part of a structured program, find out who in the program can help you navigate any difficulties. See if there is already a process for making changes, or if you have to choose between leaving the program or staying in the current situation. Barring outside assistance, prepare a heart-to-heart with your mentor. If the relationship isn’t working for you, it probably isn’t working for them, and clearing the air might fix it or, at least, give you both the opportunity to move on.
Reciprocate and give back
If things do work and you have a smashingly successful mentorship, don’t forget to pay it back. This includes asking your mentor how you can help them – do not assume that you have nothing to offer just because you’re more junior. This also includes being a mentor to others. I have worked with several mentorship programs (as mentor, mentee, and behind-the-scenes organizing), and most programs can always use more mentors.
How are you going to celebrate National Mentorship Month in January?
A version of this post originally appeared in my column for Forbes.com.
